Zombie-fied

The Zombie Flesh Puffs weren't really my Halloween post.  THIS is my Halloween post.  It's the Sweet Bleeding Heart human thorax cake from the 2007 Make Magazine: Halloween Special Edition.  I know, it's ANOTHER dessert.  Don't worry, a dinner post is coming.

First I brought my iHome into The Kitchen.  Then I set my iPod to "Superstitious" by Stevie Wonder.  Then JellyMan came in to help me and switched it to Louie Prima because he's weird like that.

For the ribcage, I used about three bags of white chocolate candy melts.  Mine melted in the bag and stuck together, so I had to break them up before I melted them in the microwave.

JellyMan drew a rib shape on a piece of paper, and we put it under a big sheet of wax paper on the counter.  Then I used a piping bag to pipe out the melted candy following the shape of the rib.

The magazine says to make about 18 ribs, but most of mine broke so I ended up with about 10.

Oh no!  There's a zombie in The Kitchen!  

When your ribs are dry, pipe a thick line of chocolate onto a tray or a piece of cardboard that's covered with foil.  This is going to be the backbone.

Then you stick the ribs into the chocolate.  It's harder than it sounds!  (Be careful - our rib just went SNAP!)  Now glob more chocolate onto the bottom of the rib so it stays and prop it onto a jar of jelly or peanut butter so it doesn't fall down.  (SNAP!)  Do that with all the ribs (SNAP!  SNAP!  SNAP!  SNAP!) and let it all dry.

Oh no!  It's that zombie again!

Now you bake, let's see, six cakes for the organs.  I just used cake mixes from the commissary.  I baked two chocolate cakes for the kidneys, two yellow cakes for the lungs, one red velvet cake for the heart, and one white cake for the stomach.  Carve the cakes into the appropriate shapes, and save the extra cake for later.  The magazine said to fill them with icing, but it didn't really work for me, as you can see.  So we didn't fill any of the cakes.  You can try if you want to, but your mom will get mad at you because you have to call her to The Kitchen to do it for you.  

Crumble up all the extra cake leftover from carving the organs and sprinkle it over the backbone so the organs have something to rest on.  Put the red velvet crumbs on top.

Now pour food coloring into a bowl of buttercream icing until it looks like flesh and blood.

Ice the lungs and the stomach.  Don't bother icing the kidneys or the heart.  They look cool already.  Now take your cakes and put them into the rib cage.  I looked at my book called The World's Best Anatomical Charts to see where to put all the organs.  Put the kidneys at the bottom, the stomach right over them, the lungs at the top, and the heart between the lungs.

I thought I was doing great until, guess what?  SNAP!

Now sprinkle the rest of the cake crumbles on top of the organs, because it makes it look messier.  Make more buttercream icing.  Make it red, but not the same shade as your cakes.  Pipe veins onto the organs but be careful of the ribs.  SNAP!

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

Now glop all sorts of ice cream toppings onto the cake.  Strawberry looks like blood, pineapple looks like pus, and chocolate looks like . . . I'm not going to say what.  But put the chocolate at the bottom of the torso.  I'm not going to say why.

Okay, I'm done.  This cake took me about five days to make.  Hopefully you're not as lazy as I am, and you'll get it done faster than me.

Now take your cake outside and scare the neighbors.

Guess what!  That dead body is actually Boss Lady!  Ha!  I'm freeeee!  I can do whatever I want!  And I can COOK whatever I want!  Ha! Haha!  Ha ha ha ha!

Okay.  I'm finished.  Sorry about that.

Chocolate Milkshakes

MMMMMM...... chocolate milkshakes. This was simple.

      Ingredients : 4 scoops vinilla or chocolate icecream

                             Lots of chocolate syrup

                              3/4 cup Milk 

                              And a blender

 (Double recipe for four glasses)                            

Number 1: Mix icecream, syrup,and milk in blender.

 Number 2: Pour into glasses

Number 3: Clean up everything and enjoy your milkshake

To bad your brothers will fight for the milkshakes. And the milkshakes don't fly first-class! How dumb is that?

Strawberry Ice Cream

I made strawberry ice cream the other day and I never blogged about it.  Oopsie.  Anywho, it was basic strawberry ice cream from the Ben & Jerry's Ice-Cream and Dessert Book by Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield and Nancy J. Stevens.  Ben and Jerry are the two guys on the front of Ben & Jerry's Fudge Brownie tub.  Just so you know.

These are the ingredients:

• 1 pint of fresh strawberries, hulled and sliced
• 1/3 cup sugar
• the juice of 1/2 a lemon
• 2 large eggs
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 2 cups of heavy cream
• 1 cup milk

Okay.  The first step is . . . turn on Black Sabbath!  Yeah!  I listened to "N.I.B" and "Paranoid," but, as always, just listen to whatever you want.  You could listen to a Spanish lesson if you're a geek or the Jonas Brothers if you're a loser.  It doesn't really matter.  The ice cream will taste just the same anyway.

Take the strawberries:

And mix them up with the 1/3 cup of sugar and the lemon juice in a small (but not too small) popcorn bowl.  Cover and chill for an hour.  Yes.  An hour.  But you can do so many things in an hour!  You could go poke your mom and ask her for a candy bar or play Wii or tickle your brother or play with the dog or . . . well, you get the idea.

When you're done trying to smack your brother's toes with his own flip flops (or when the hour is up) mash up the strawberries with a tater masher and make sure it's all squishy.  Squish, squish, squish.

Now make the base for your ice cream.  I don't really know what a base is.  I'm only the cook.  (Boss Lady says the base is the ice cream part of the ice cream.  Ohhhhhh.)  Whisk the eggs in a large popcorn bowl until light and fluffy.  Whisk in the sugar a little at a time and continue whisking until blended - about another minute.  When you're done it will look all shiny and pretty and satiny.

Pour in the cream and the milk and mix some MORE.  

Whisking.

Whisking.

Whisking.

Whisking.

Still whisking.

All right.  Back to the squished strawberries.  Stir them into the base and pour the mixture into an ice cream maker.  Mine is a Cuisinart and I got it for Christmas from my Gammy.  Yours might not be a Cuisinart, so follow the instructions that came with your ice cream maker.  Mine says to leave it on for a half an hour.

Oops.  I splooshed it all over the kitchen.  Silly me.  I hear Boss Lady coming - I better clean it up.

Urgh.  Since your brother isn't here (because he's off at a rehearsal for a play that he's already been in once before) YOU have to do the dishes.  Boss Lady made me do the rest of the dishes too while I was at it.  That's totally NOT like butta.

Scoop it all into a freezer container and freeze it until it's hard.  You know.  Until it actually feels like ice cream.

EAT EAT EAT!

And eat some more, because your brother isn't around to eat all of it.  Ha!  

Oops!

Here's a tip for you.  Don't put all the cake batter into one 8" cake pan.

Zombie Flesh Puffs

It's getting closer and closer to Halloween!  To celebrate this "spooky" holiday (people are always putting up Winnie the Pooh decorations, which are way too cute to be spooky) I wanted to make the Pretty Princess Puffs from the Pink Princess Cookbook by Barbara Beery.  Only they're not spooky enough, so I made Zombie Flesh Puffs instead.  

Here are the ingredients:

3 egg whites

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

1/2 teaspoon vanilla or almond extract

2-3 (or more) of assorted food coloring

sprinkles

First you set your iPod to Alice Cooper.  Again I have a few recommendations.  "School's Out and "Eighteen" are great, but you may prefer "Feed My Frankenstein" or his brand new one "Keepin' Halloween."

Next, warm up the oven to 250 degrees.  Line two cookie sheets with foil, then whip the egg whites in a large popcorn bowl with an electric hand mixer until soft peaks form.  That looks like the tips of McDonald's ice cream cones (mmmm, ice cream cones) when you pick the mixer up out of the egg whites.  (Turn the mixer off first though or KABLOOEY!) 

With the mixer on, pour in the sugar.  You can never use too much sugar, so you can "spill" a little if you'd like.  Add the vanilla or almond extract (I use vanilla extract.  As I said before, nuts are devils in disguise.) and the cream of tartar.  

Conversation

Me:  "Mom, where's the cream of tartar?"

Mom:  "In the cupboard."

Me:  "No, it's not."

Mom:  "It is too."

Me:  "No, it's not."

Mom:  "Yes, it is!"

Me:  "Oh.  Here it is."

Add the food coloring.  This is what it should look like.

 

Keep beating it until stiff peaks form.  Stiff peaks are when you pick the mixer out of the stuff and the peaks aren't like McDonald's cones, they're like little horns.

Dump mounds onto the cookie sheets and sprinkle the tops with your sprinkles.  You don't have to use green sprinkles like I did.  I just did that because it looked more like a zombie than pink or blue or red or purple.

Bake for one hour.  I know, I know, it's a long time for such funky little things, but you might like them.  Maybe.  Oh, yeah.  After they're done you have to turn the oven off and leave them in there for ten minutes.  I know.

Finally,

FINALLY

they're done.  Enjoy!

 

You should really make your brother do the dishes again.  It's fun.